So, today I got my 100th follower! I just wanted to write a quick post to say how much I appreciate everyone who follows my blog. It’s a small milestone, but a milestone nonetheless.
I also wanted to briefly write about why my blog has been a little quiet lately. It’s a super, super important topic, actually, but I still don’t want to write a long and winded explanation…
Basically, as much as I would like it to be, writing is not my only job. I’m also a 1st grade teacher, teaching English as a foreign language. Everyone knows that teaching is a hugely stressful job and so many teachers get burned out very quickly. I’ve been doing this for almost a year and have kind of been keeping my head above the water for most of that time, but recently everything has just kind of crashed and burned. I never expected this to be easy, but I definitely expected it to get easier and more enjoyable after the first 6 months, but the opposite has happened.
Education is extremely different in Mexico compared to the UK. Teachers (and parents) just aren’t respected in the same way. Authority is not something we automatically have. It’s a lot of extra work to ‘win children over’ before you can even start to make progress. The good thing is, most of my students are good-natured and they took to me pretty quickly. The bad news is, I have a couple of kids who have some pretty serious problems stemming from their home life. I know that as a teacher, it’s part of my job to try and help these kids who need more support and I am prepared to do that as far as I am capable.
But I’m also a human being. Whilst these kids need support, I need support, too. My superiors need to listen to me when I say that a line has been crossed and I have a student who is dangerous to his classmates and to me. Up until today, I haven’t felt like that has been happening. So, naturally, my stress levels have been through the roof and anxiety has reared it’s ugly head.
I guess I’m naturally prone to anxiety and depression (having suffered with both in the past) but I kind of thought I was over it, but when I found myself crying before I had even left my house to go to work, I figured one or both are creeping back up on me. That same day, I came home from with with bruises on my body from a child kicking me and ripping out handfuls of my hair when I broke up a fight between him and another kid. When I became a teacher, this is not what I signed up for and not something I am prepared to tolerate. I still don’t know for sure what is going to happen – we will have to see whether the directors of the school will finally take action.
So that’s the long and short of it. Anxiety makes everything a million times harder to deal with – it drains all your energy, creates mysterious aches and pains, zaps your appetite and does a whole bunch of other stuff, but it’s still seen as ‘weak’ to call in sick to work. So I’ve been going, suffering with this, feeling guilty about it and not really having anyone to turn to, and not having any energy left to do what I really love – writing this blog. I’m just hoping with all my might that things are going to get better from now on and the worst of it has passed.
Fingers crossed I can get back on track next week and finish off the year on a high note!
Thanks for reading, and a million thanks for following!